The Modern Slave Guide to Vegetarians

Broadly speaking, slaves can be divided into two groups: those who eat meat, and those who don’t.

meat welcome... hello?

The latter group of non-meat-eaters can be further subdivided into those who don’t eat meat by choice (the few) and those who don’t have any meat to eat (the many).

Among those who refrain from eating meat by choice there are many different motivations: religious, health, lack of appeal and ethics. Among those who refrain for ethical reasons, the vegetarian lifestyle ranges from extreme vegan to more relaxed ovolactarian, or the even more relaxed “fish ain’t meat” subgroup.

Heated debate between meat-eaters and vegetarians (recommended read post and comments: Vegans Are Not From Vegas) shows the arguments boil down to biological imperative versus moral imperative. In a nutshell: Yes, humans are biologically prepared to eat meat. But does this mean all humans must?

For many vegetarians, the issue isn’t even with the meat itself, but what’s behind it. For these people, the crude reality of industrial animal slaughter provokes such strong rejection that some form of non-violent resistance or conscientious objection becomes necessary. Usually this starts by going off the meat. At stake are individual karma issues which some people can advance this way, just as others advance in other ways.

Because karma loves symmetry, in the developed world the luxury is to NOT eat meat. Just compare the price of a tofu dog compared to a normal hot dog (tofu dog girl below not included). Or of rice milk compared to cow milk. Plus the high-potency vitamin complex… the spirulina steak-in-a-pill… going off the meat and keeping healthy is a feasible but expensive endeavor.

lettuce doggone tofu what?

But saying no is a also rare opportunity for a slave to gain an inch of freedom. It will cost you, but sometimes that’s what it takes to feel a little more human. And to have a pretext to chat up Ms. Tofu Dog. You might not eat it, but you don’t have to beat it. Priceless!

Photo via Creative Commons from Flickr: extra tofu dog!

and from the PETA website

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6 thoughts on “The Modern Slave Guide to Vegetarians

    • A cannibal is something that eats it’s own species, not just meat. A man eater is something that eats humans, and a carnivore is something that eats meat, most humans are ommivores.
      A tiger who eats a tiger is a cannibal, and is a carnivore
      A tiger who eats a person is a man eater and is a carnivore
      A tiger that eats prey that is neither a human or a tiger is just a carnivore.
      A human who eats a human (with a side salad) is a man eater, a cannibal and a ommivore.
      I suppose it’s possible for a human to be a carnivore, but it is rare, even more so then being a herbivore.

  1. okay guys, you have an entirely different discussion going on here, so let me put in my 2 cents.
    I can only agree with tangel at a very theoretical level: if we are all one single entity expressing itself as separate consciousnesses, then indeed ALL eating is a form a cannibalism, be it meat or veggie. But that is going far beyond the standard meaning of the word. Paraphrasing dirtyarsenic: “I suppose it’s possible for a human to be a cannibal, but it is rare, even more so then being a carnivore.” Fortunately.
    I agree that vegetarian humans are omnivores, because they CAN eat meat even if they don’t. But it is worth pointing out that a human can survive and thrive eating only vegetable-based foods, whereas diets based exclusively on meat are virtually unheard of.
    Thanks for the feedback.

  2. It annoys me greatly when meat-eating slaves point out that being veggie (or vegan) is a ‘first world’ luxury.

    Even if it’s actually true (we First-Worlders can get abundant cheap calories without having to cut Bessie’s throat), it doesn’t matter a fuck: just take the fucking win already!

    To offer a similar example where you just TAKE THE FUCKING WIN: first-world technological advance made it possible to do away with SLAVERY without adversely affecting the advance of material prosperity… so in the civilised world (i.e., outside the US), the West dispensed with slavery in an orderly fashion, with most western countries outlawing it by the 1830s.

    Of course the US, as is its wont. used the excuse of slavery to have an orgy of bloodletting on a scale not seen in a Civil war since Byzantium or Cromwell (actually, both the Byzantine and English civil wars were WAY less bloodthirsty than ‘Great Emancipator’ Lincoln’s mass-fratricide: given the difference in the mores of each historical episode, that inveighs heavily against Lincoln on the ‘crimes against humanity’ scales).

    As a bright man once said: eating meat when you don’t have to, is wrong. If you DO have to (in order to get calories – e.g., cattle can convert relatively-inedible pasture to calories in a way that humans can’t) then you’re allowed to say “Sorry Bessie – it’s me or you… and I’ve got the knife and the opposable thumbs necessary to wield it”.

    But if you’re living in a first-world community (like me, in Australia) and you’re a meat eater, you’re fucking despicable, because you choose to ignore the suffering of those ‘beneath’ you. I’m 6″1, 230lb, with a VO2Max of 47 (on a BAD day) – and although I lapse from time to time, I am veggie 99% of the time (roughly one meal a month I’m a self-hating carnivore: cut me some fucking slack, you slaves).

    • Thanks for your comments, Kratoklastes… strong rocks like yourself are always welcome here.

      I’m not sure why you assume this post was written by a meat-eater (it wasn’t), nor do I really agree that the issue is about “abundant cheap calories”. Cheap calories (aka junk food) are the scourge of meat-eaters AND vegetarians alike… meat is about quality fats and proteins, not carbohydrates. As for what’s right and what’s wrong, well, yes, killing sucks no matter how one cuts it. And yet no-one except some yogis and chi kung masters can claim to not kill anything, not even a turnip, to survive. In creating a “eating meat is right/wrong” duality, we are also creating a deeper “meat is more/less alive than vegetables” duality which IMHO is a logical mine field, at best.

      That said, the absolute barbarity of the meat industry and the willful ignorance of meat consumers is disgusting and disheartening. The fact the Amazon rainforest is being destroyed for McDonald’s cattle to pasture makes me want to puke, but so does the rainforest being destroyed to monocultivate soya beans for the new hipster “meatless” segment to have their soy milk and tofu.

      As for your 99% vegetarian lifestyle, what can I say? 99 Percent Space is in no position to criticize a man for the 1% of everything else….

  3. When I say “do away with slavery”, obviously I mean the Rastus-in-chains-oh-lawdy-what’s-I-gon’-do type of slavery, not the ‘pay your taxes or we will send a goon to shoot you in the head’ sort of slavery. We haven’t got rid of that yet.

    It seems to me that it would be a masterful exercise to examine what proportion of a “Rastus” slave’s output was handed to Massa, compared to the 35-50% of the modern tax-serf’s wages – excluding the requirement to service the 1%’s ever-growing debt. Bear in mind that the slave’s own caloric needs were taken care of out of his own output.

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