March 16, 2012 by 99percentspace
The first time you see Lil’Asset, all dumb and pudgy, you will feel the irresistable urge to squeeze it. Real hard.
Go ahead, it won’t complain. See?
Soon you will realize that this lump of putty was created for one purpose and one purpose alone: to be squeezed by you.
In fact, if it weren’t for your untiring grip, the lil’ tard would spend all day sitting around with its thumb up its sweet lil’ asset, as they say in French.
But don’t expect it to thank you; it’s too stupid to appreciate your effort in this regard. If you find its lack of gratitude frustrating, try burying it under 400 Lbs of printed legalese gibberish and debt currency. Its head might explode, but the body won’t complain…
What? It dared squeak? Time to whip out the orange jumpsuit accessory and get medieval on Lil’Asset! Lock it in the dark, play Justin Beiber at it, hold it upside down in the toilet, let the pooch chew on it… be creative! Strike the fear of dog in its heart and see the terror in its eyes as it stares at you in stricken silence…
Just how much can it take before bursting?
That’s between you and your sweet Lil’Asset to decide.
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