NOT Good News: Methane Volcanoes

It was my intention to avoid bad news in this section because, as I argue in the first Good News post, we all know the bad news already.

Well, I’m afraid I was wrong about that. There appears to be some really BAD news lurking under the Gulf of Mexico we weren’t aware of. The video below is not talking about the Gulf, but remember BP is claiming a “methane bubble” was responsible for the initial rig explosion, and that oil and gas are pushing up from the sea bed AROUND the broken pipehead.

The History Channel presents this video in its Mega Disasters series, but after watching it I’d say that mega disaster may fall short of describing the impact of these methane eruptions. The words that come to mind are more along the lines of Armageddon, annihilation, total extinction… the End, my friend. Just the images of the aftermath of the African lake eruption –which was inert CO2, not flammable methane– are enough to make one feel biblical in the worst sense of the word.

Okay, so maybe I got too caught up in the crude infographic animations of exploding methane clouds. Maybe that Russian professor doesn’t know borsch from Gulf water. Maybe the folks at the History Channel are preying on young, impressionable minds such as mine. Maybe, just maybe, we are so EFF YOU SEE KAY-ED.

However there is some good news too: methane volcanoes have not been scripted into any Hollywood blockbusters about the end of the world… yet. Although I can just see it so clearly:

[Close shot of methane eruption rising from the ocean surface. Camera pulls back to show countless jets rising as far as the eye can see.]

[Cut to the deck of the small boat our rugged hero has piloted out to the middle of the Ocean in an attempt to avert the catastrophe. He stands watching the tidal wave of water and methane rise over him, pulls out the last cigarette he’s been trying to smoke all movie, puts it in his mouth and holds up his lighter.]

Hero (with a crooked grin): Good day to quit.

[Close up of thumb pushing down on lighter and spark jumping up to become a small fireball that grows and grows and grows…]

[REALLY BIG FRIGGIN’ EXPLOSION]

THE END

Coming soon to theatres everywhere?

Thumbnail art by firedoctor via Flickr Creative Commons. Thanks!

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