The Dukester’s Pucker Up Crisis Doublespeak Special

Not affiliated with Dukester’s Repo Agency for Deadbeat Democrazies

No rest for the wicked as the Powers That Be ratchet up the doublespeak to cover for their ongoing crimes against humanity. New twisted terms are rolling off the forked tongues faster and faster, not to convince but to confuse just a little longer until the axe falls.

The first doublespeak glossary lays down some of the most pernicious terms used in to enslave minds, but the list of terms goes on and on. It’s gotten to the point that most every word that spews from the forked tongues is either a brazen manipulation, a baldfaced lie or the spawn of both.

The ongoing global shit sandwich (see Crisis) is festering with doublespeak to keep us from believing our own lying eyes about what’s really going down. Shaping perception and never mind the bollocks is the name of the game now. Sure, it quacks, waddles and flaps like a duck getting most foully fcked, but it’s actually Quantitative Easing to maintain Economic Stability and Confidence in the Global Markets, so just relax and stop squirming.

Or keep reading and get ready to pucker up. The Dukester actually likes a squirm or two.

The Dukester’s Crisis Doublespeak Special

Austerity Measures – Deeply regrettable budget cuts to essential public services due to the fact that the country has apparently gone completely bankrupt and –again, most regrettably– left behind a big fat debt with some dude called Duke that’s gonna kneecap us in a dark alley if we don’t pay up. In reality, austerity is doublespeak for upwards wealth redistribution (see Crisis), in which our life savings and future earnings go to the Dukester, who just happens to be the one who got us bankrupt in the first place.

Bailout – For the slaves, bail out actually means “loan in”, or loaning new loans on loans to repay interests on loans loaned based on earlier loans. For the Dukester, bailout means the house wins, always.

Crisis (The) – Mother of all manipulative doublespeak, the Crisis is sold as something that just kinda happened like totally unexepectedly and it was all your fault anyway. In reality, the only crisis is banksters worried they won’t get their bonuses; everything else is artificial scarcity of credit to cover the massive upward wealth redistribution currently underway.

Default – To even read this word is liable to get one taken out back with the Duke and his baseball bat. You see, the Dukester worked hard to create those loans out of thin air, and it would be MOST ungrateful-like of y’all to pretend like paying compound interests on thin air isn’t really the right thing to do. Especially if you plan on using your legs for things like walking.

Economic Stability – Sounds good, right? The Dukester thinks so! Doublespeak meaning to ensure the terms of service with the Dukester are golden and that social-economic conditions are kept favorable to upwards wealth redistribution.

Greece – Code for End Game (dress rehearsal). The birth place of democrazy, where 300 once held off a million-strong invading army, is fallen in a bloodless transfer of sovereignty to the Dukester’s 3-man hit team (see Triad). In order to redress historical grievances, the Dukester is willing to magnamiously bomb the Persians into oblivion for the attempted invasion. Nobody fcks with the Dukester’s shit, even 25 hundred years ago.

Iceland – Maybe you mean nice tan? The term you are searching for does not match any results.

Markets (The) – Presented as an abstract, larger-than-life and all powerful entity reponsible for the fate of entire nations, the so-called Markets is actually three computers in a bank vault and a night janitor named Ethel. There are no markets in plural: the Dukester, the funny money crew, the bankster cartel, IS the “markets”. It is not the combined intelligence of millions of capitalist units acting on supply and demand, it is the single-minded ponzi scheme of the capital itself.

Protest Movements – Sad, self-hating slaves who aren’t getting down with the QE gameplan, and will be sleeping in the streets anyways before long. Meanwhile, they provide good target practice for Pork Futures, a rising commodity that the Dukester’s betting heavy on right now. Not expected to survive the coming ice age.

Quantitative Easing (QE) – Pushing it in slowly at first to accomodate before sinking it in to the hilt. Also used to refer to the process of printing oodles of funny money to render it worthless.

Silver – Fool’s gold, not worth the metal it’s minted on. No civilized people has ever used silver for anything but amulets and ornaments since the implantation of the Roman Imperial Dollarium 4 thousand years ago.

Sovereignty – Code for “who’s yo daddy?”. A moot point in a bankster world, since yo daddy is he who issues the money, not he who creates the laws. And the Dukester is yo daddy’s daddy, so add it up yo’self.

Triad (The) – The Dukester’s 3-man hit team made up of financial terrorists hardened in combat and relentless in their determination to wreak economic havoc in their wake. Operatives are IMF, EU Central Bank and Ethel the janitor. Currently perched in Athens.


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