Drool of the Damned Too: Spanish Bloodlines Self-Destruct as 3rd Republic Looms

Twas not so long ago we covered here at 99PS the frolics of the ditzy Dame of Alba as she danced for the damned on occasion of her third wedding at the tender age of 80++. Little did we expect the Spanish bloodline issue to explode onto the headlines and generate huge debate, with two strictocrats on the hot seat for completely different and unrelated reasons in strict following of the old Spanish saying “it’s all fleas to the skinny dog”.

So who are the strictocratic skinny dogs du jour and what are the fleas that bite them? Well, in a mfcking nutshell as we expletive here at 99PS, the big dog on the fryer is some dude name of Iñaki, Duke of Palma, an ex-pro handball player married to the king’s youngest daughter, Cristina, meaning he’s not bloodline. The mainstream media reports that the Duke (no relation to the Dukester’s Repo Agency for Deadbeat Democrazies) is under judicial investigation for suspected financial shenanigans in which public funds were “lost” into a murky web of companies invoicing each other for services never provided. All under the wholesome cover of a non-profit foundation to help underpriviledged kids through sports yadda yadda puke retch.

This most uncomfortable issue has been snowballing in the media day after day for a weeks now, despite all efforts to spin it like a Globetrotter fake pass. No going to happen, sez karma, and every day that passes the investigative noose tightens around the duke’s judicial neck, as sources close to the investigation have been quoted as saying that the evidence is solid and his indictment is now only a matter of time.

What has been the Spanish Crown’s reaction to all this? When the first rumors started circulating, it tried to ignore it. When that didn’t work, it stated that it didn’t comment on ongoing investigations. When the evidence started piling up, it officially removed the duke from all Crown activities and condemned his “ungentlemenlike actions”. The final blow came yesterday, when janitors from the Madrid wax museum removed his figure from the (unbelievably hideous) royal family diorama… the second of the king’s sons-in-law to get the ol’ wax axe, after the king’s eldest daughter Elena divorced her husband some years ago. Rumors that the figure had been taken to the guillotine diorama were quickly unconfirmed.

Duke of Palma (back left) next to his ex brother-in-law Marichalar in the good ol' days

But all this hasn’t stopped a deep rumble of discontent to begin to shake the foundations of Spanish society, once again. As the crisis starts to translate into real pain for the general population, tolerance levels towards the ruling classes is reaching a new low on every front, and no-one knows this better than the Bourbons, who have clung to the throne for over 3 centuries through every type of weather. But the last century has been tricky for them, with one Bourbon being forced to abdicate in 1873 in the First Spanish Republic, which lasted 11 months before being the monarchy was restored, and another abdicating in the 1930s in the Second Republic which led to the Spanish Civil War. Current king Juan Carlos of Bourbon just got back in the throne 30 years ago, and already feels it starting to shake again before he’s had time to consolidate the heir prince “Solid as a Stool” Felipe.

Another old Spanish saying: “a la tercera va la vencida”… third time lucky.

Strictocratic fryer example number two is a real bloodline, no less than the heir of the House of Alba, eldest son of the ditzy dame herself and future Duke of Alba. Cayetano Luis Martínez de Irujo y Fitz-James Stuart is living proof that having a long name does not bring happiness. This embittered strictocrat who enjoys riding horses while wearing tweed vehemently opposed his mom’s latest wedding unless she divvied up the estate among her progeny first, lest her commoner husband get any ideas. Having gotten his druthers, he now finds himself in charge of an agro exploitation (remember, noble titles are titles of property) that is €200K+ in the red due to a 44% cut in European Union agricultural funds.

Now, ol’ Cayetano probably had the best education money can buy, but he obviously slept through Common Sense 101. Otherwise he would have never accepted to be interviewed on national TV by troublemaker extraordinaire Jordi Évole, aka “el follonero” (the troublemaker). And, even if he had, he wouldn’t have chosen this moment of public exposure to rag on all the perceived causes of his stricto ailments, including but not limited to the people of Andalusia (home base of the House of Alba) and the way the EU Common Agricultural Policy subsidies to agriculture are distributed. In a frank admission of his frustration, he let loose a pearl: “Sometime I wish we were back in medieval times. Things were simpler back then.”

Covert anarchist Évole (left) interviews Cayetano of Alba

The republican hounds began baying before the show had even finished airing, calling for the head of Fitz-James on a platter and leading to a backlash such that he must rue the day he let his lips flap under the masterful prodding of Évole, who is a covert anarchist at heart. So far, one of the House of Alba’s properties was occupied by rowdy unionists and even his own mommy distanced herself from his discourse with a simple but effective “I love Andalusians”, which is probably true, for what it’s worth. Bob knows Andalusians like her much more than they ever liked her son’s arrogant saddle-rubbin’ asset anyways.

Monarchist pundits throughout the country are walking on eggshells as they try to cover the Crown from the shitrain. It may be too little, too late. Not from a legal pov, as the Crown is not subject to the Rule of Law in a Constitutional Monarchy and thus cannot be tried. But then again that’s what another Bourbon king, ol’ Looie XVI, also thought… until he met madame guillotine after the French revolution.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no use for Macbeth endings, and I doubt even the most rabid republican would want to see heads dangling from the executioner’s fist. Modern democrazy has allowed the current Bourbon to be a close and beloved monarch, which is something most of his ancestors could never have dreamed of. And he stood firmly on the side of democrazy in the 1981 attempted coup by old regime diehards, which meant a lot to all Spaniards regardless of their political convictions. And, since we’re on a good vibe roll here, the Spanish monarchy is in fact the cheapest of all European Crown institutions at a meagre €8M per annum (the British Crown costs almost €40M!).

Kings are just temporal figureheads; the Crown is what lives on. This is the objective of the republican movement, to dismantle the Crown stricto power structure and rid the body public of an entire parasite class in one fell swoop. Basic hygiene, if you will. Problem is, Crowns are just another front for the banksters; get rid of all the kings and queens and the money lenders will still be there. I for one will keep my eyes on the prize, and will not be led astray by red herrings cast to mislead us. The dude sleeping with the queen is just playing his part; he is there because the financial vampire bloodlines rule by proxy to keep their necks off the block and need some dupe to cow the yobs.

If they insist on asking for rhetorical rope to hang themselves with, this I cannot deny them. But the real noose is reserved for the ones above them. Then we can talk about the details.

2 thoughts on “Drool of the Damned Too: Spanish Bloodlines Self-Destruct as 3rd Republic Looms

  1. Pingback: Ten Billion Reasons the Capital of Hispania is Rome « 99 Percent Space

  2. Pingback: Duke of Palma Case Puts Bourbons on the Rocks « 99 Percent Space

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