Noos Strangles Bourbon Turkeynecks

Well golly! Spanish republicans haven’t had this much fun since Fonzie the Thirteenth, grandpappy of current kingospain, was sent packing to Portugal! The implosion of the monarchy is just the kind of spectacle bullfight fans love, the agony of a mortally wounded beast staggering to meet its mercy blow. It is hard, yes, but honorable in its gruesomeness. Plus you can eat the Rocky Mountain oysters afterwards! Nature puts everything in its place sooner or later…

Of course, the droolers aren’t enjoying the situation half as much. Where before they could drool to their heart’s content without fear of contradiction, the ongoing judicial investigation in the “Noos case” is making the drool turn sour. The implications of the case are not only far-reaching, but have made history: for the first time in modern democrazy, a member of the royal family has been summoned to declare as suspect by a court of law, namely princess Cristina as board member of her husband’s “Noos Institute” that allegedly disappeared public funds into tax havens.

The issue is more delicate than it may seem. From a judicial pov, the crown is the highest authority of the Spanish constitutional monarchy and falls outside the rule of law. Until now, this was widely understood as meaning the members of the royal family were immune to prosecution, sort of like a special diplomatic status in representation of the crown. With the summons on the daughter of the old pachyderm slayer himself, the question of where the royals stand in relation to the rule of law will now be subject of intense legal debate.

it's a family thang...

it’s just a family thang…

From a social pov, the impact of the Noos case on public opinion can only be described as complete borkation, with the droolers scattered in disarray, the antimonarchist republican hordes at the gates and the government too busy trying to cover its own sorry asset to do anything but stand by in stricken silence as the shithouse goes up in flames around them.

They gave us crisis… now they get two spoonfuls. We were “promised” the abdication of his royal lowness by the end of Easter, but that turned out to be premature. It would seem the old goat has decided to lash himself to the mast and weather the storm, but it won’t do much good if the entire ship of state goes under.

99PS has been keeping track of this whole smelly poo poo business since the get go, and one of the first things we pointed out is that letting commoners like Urdangarin (Basque for “boy who puts pinky in girl’s bellybutton”) into the clique is always a bad idea, because they have the title but not the skills. Which brings us back to the name of the Noos Institute, presumably chosen by the dukester himself, maybe thinking it sounded cool, happening, exotic, you know… The eternal humor of karma has its dark side. It gives us the rope and lets us do with it as we see fit. Who the Noos fits, let him wear it.

And so we go forth, balls for dickheads and hammerlocks for turkeynecks. Next thing you know… RAID!!


One thought on “Noos Strangles Bourbon Turkeynecks

  1. Pingback: Great Yarns: The Royal ID Affair | 99 Percent Space

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